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How My Dream Showed Me Another Side Of Anger

Experience Submitted by Christos Grapsas
Experience Submitted by Christos Grapsas

I remember reading in Belsebuub‘s work about how dreams can reveal our true nature. I wanted to share a dream I once had that revealed an inner state of anger that I was hiding from myself.

An “Insignificant” Event

One day in London, I was stopped in traffic at a red light. I was on a right turn. On my left there was a bus lane; it was tempting to take advantage of it and just drive past the traffic to reach my destination faster but the fines are severe – and for a good reason – so I had never attempted it.

I was a bit lost in my thoughts so I did not notice a bus that was moving quickly in the left lane. Because of the turning road, the driver wasn’t able or careful enough to keep the bus in the bus lane so he hit the side of the bus on my van’s front bumper.

He hit me very lightly. There was no significant scratch or anything. However, it was enough to shake my van. The bus seemed to have gotten rattled as well. Some people who were sitting next to the spot where the bus was hit got up startled and wondered what had happened. The bus driver stopped and looked at me very angrily. He yelled at me and moved his hands in a very angry way although he did not bother coming out of the bus since it was nothing big really. The people from within the bus were also very upset at me. They were standing next to the windows looking at me very upset, obviously blaming me for the incident. I remember a couple of elderly ladies looking at me annoyed.

I had felt that I hadn’t done anything wrong. In my perception, I had been clear from the bus lane. All these people had been falsely accusing me. I got upset and, ignoring the passengers I turned towards the driver and in an angry way, I told him that it was his fault that this had happened. I held myself back from reacting too angrily though and I asked my divine mother for the disintegration of the ego of anger that was trying to make a big deal out of the situation.

Soon after, the green light came, and the event was over, everyone moved on to the things they needed to do. I did the same and drove to my next appointment.

I had a feeling of remorse for reacting to the situation but I couldn’t quite grasp its significance. My mind was filled with thoughts of being right. Although at the time I didn’t notice, there was an underlying feeling of content that I had been able to win over my urge to make a scene out of that incident.

A Dream that Exposed my Anger

Later, in a dream, I found myself walking in a city street all alone. It was a modern setting. Seemed quite normal, nothing special about it apart from the fact that there were no cars and no people around me. At the time I spent most of my time working and driving in the streets of London, so the scene could have been a typical day.

A few people were walking towards me. They were quite intimidating; asking for trouble. One of them was the bus driver that I had encountered in the short, seemingly insignificant, incident with the bus bump.

I looked at them with fear. They were 4-5 of them and I was on my own. I didn’t stand a chance. But I was too proud to show fear and I felt that being fearful would give them more strength. I wanted to convey confidence and power. So, the fear became pride and this pride led me to a burst of anger, unlike anything I had perceived before. However, strangely enough, instead of attacking these people I laughed loudly and particularly. This laughter made me feel strong and confident. I felt invincible.

I woke up realizing it was just a dream.

Understanding the Meaning of the Dream

I was very surprised by the way I reacted in the dream. I could not recognize myself. I felt I had failed to keep my calm and although I did not attack them, I found anger as being the only solution I had in order to confront the intimidating people. I knew that the strange laughter that came out of me was part of me in a way but a part of me that was unknown.

The small, seemingly insignificant, incident with the bus driver had materialized in the astral plane as a dream. In the physical incident, the bus driver, along with the passengers were against me. They were accusing me of something I felt I had no responsibility for. I knew I was right…

I thought I had controlled my anger and had not made a scene out of the event. But in a way, I was missing a deeper layer of understanding that, at the time, I was not willing to be open to.

Retrospecting and meditating on the incident and the dream I came to realise that a certain fear and anger had arisen and manifested as an unpleasant knot in my solar plexus and a pressure in my stomach. Rather than focusing on removing it, I replaced it with another strong sentiment, which made me feel good about myself in the situation. But the result of this effort was a deception that caused me to forget about the knot rather than remove it and get rid of it.

I had subconsciously focused too much on being right and feeling good about the situation rather than observing myself through it. Even asking for the death of the ego was part of the effort to stop feeling unpleasant rather than understanding and removing the ego of anger so that I could experience a greater understanding and peace within the situation. It wasn’t a conscious effort to understand but almost an effort to confirm that I was on the right side. There was little to no learning on my part. And that, I feel, was the crucial mistake. This sense of feeling right gave a lot of strength to an animalistic defence mechanism that passed completely unnoticed.

It was not really my self-control that prevented a scene. It was the fear of being embarrassed as well as the fast pace of the collision incident and its aftermath. There was a green light, I was in the middle of traffic, the bus was leaving and no damage in any vehicle had occurred. It would be out of place to make a scene. People would think I am crazy running after the bus just to prove my right. It would be against the norms of society.

The dream was less tactful, however. The bus driver and the elderly passengers that looked at me annoyed had become macho bullies that wanted to harm me. There was no traffic to urge me to move on and no vehicle barriers to prevent me from openly facing people. There was no traffic light that gave a compulsory end to the small squabble and a transition to a new situation. In the dream, there was a slow-paced walk where the people that confronted me were facing me. They were many so they were stronger. But I had anger and I was feeling right because I was just the victim. And my anger came out like a fearless beast to defend its own right.

The dream had been very revealing of my true inner state during a seemingly insignificant event. The subconscious processes that took place in the small collision became plain in the dream. I felt defeated by an unrecognizable ego-self that took over me and made me act in an unexpected way. But it was my fault because I had deceived myself.

This dream helped me get an insight of how anger can subtly and unknowingly be fed and how much can be left unseen if I am not in proper self-observation during the day.

In closing, I thought I would share this helpful video from Belsebuub on handling negativity from others:

 

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38 comments
  • I’ve had two situations recently that provoked anger. In the first I was being told off for a good twenty minutes, but because I felt sorry for the person who was telling me off (I saw their aggravation) I did not react, and ended up calming them down instead.

    In the second situation I felt treated unfairly. It was a continuing topic and the feeling of being treated unfairly came from before. This situation ended up escalating to loud tones and left me disappointed. Reflecting on it I could see that feeling treated unfairly I was compelled to stand my ground and saw the other person as an attacker. As I did this I was not able to reach any real understanding with the other person and had to reflect on the situation later on.

    I could see that underlying both situations the feeling of contempt, or being satisfied with how I am, was a big factor. I am very glad that you brought it up actually because I notice how in the positive and the negative case this feeling took away the wanting to self-observe. It’s really important to look into.

  • This article is very timely for me. The first time I read your article, it was as though it caused a pinch in my nerve!

    It bought up a memory of a recent event in my life that I did not want to face, like you in a way but somewhat different.

    Reading your article helped me question the recent incident. And in a sense, it pushed me to look deeper in to it in retrospect. Because like you I missed it in the moment that it happened. When I did question what happened a dream came up for me relating to the incident and it helped to show me. Similar to you, but with a different interplay of emotions and thoughts I also felt embarrassed and hurt, I felt like the victim and I thought I was justified in feeling upset and “right” because I did not do anything wrong. This lead me to, putting up a cool persona with an emotion of aggression festering inside me.
    The interplay of egos went unnoticed because of all the justifications and the thing inside me that did not want to face what was going on at the time, and so the intricate workings of the egos kept going for weeks until I read your article and looked in to it to gain some understanding.

    Sometimes I find it helps to ask for courage to face the terrible aspects of my personality because it is not so pleasant to see.

    Thank you Christos for this helpful article.

    • Glad it helped you to Penny.
      It seems that it becomes too difficult to forgive others when we feel victimized and weak.

  • Christos, very insightful your experience. It’s amazing how much helping can be a dream and reveal our real internal situation in a certain event.

    In beginning, it seems that it makes you wonder from where come that particular dream but when you focus better it is surprising how that “unrelated” dream is related to your three-dimensional world and your self-centered internal situation.

    All this give more sense and interest to our lives.

    • Yes, I agree Seraphim. Having a glimpse of the connection there is between dreams and our every day life can feel very special.

  • This was really insightful and helpful – thanks for sharing it.

    Your experience shows how complex these inner states can be and also how a dream can give such a direct and clear understanding of something that can be difficult to see clearly in the moment.

  • It sounds like you had a great dream that revealed the reality of what really was taking place within you at that time. I think that is such a great help to have had such a dream, since it gave you a perspective that had been clouded in the actual event by what has forging within.

    Personally that dream guidance is really valuable and I find it also so merciful as it arrives at a time when you were really trying to learn what got you that day.

    Something that really stood out to me, and I can relate to a lot, is when you were talking about what you had been missing at that time of the event but that you later learnt through your retrospection and the dream, which was about the focus, dedication and intent that you needed to have had at the time to actually observe what was going on within you (paragraph above and below your photo at the ancient site). That really resonated with me and also helped me to see an attitude that I hadn’t noticed it for it what it was until I read your experience here, so thank you for sharing!

    • It was out of some kind of help that I had that dream which helped me realize there is more in interactions than we may initially perceive. I’m glad it helped you too Layla.

  • The trickery of the egos seems to be so overpowering at times, so I am glad that you wrote about it, Christo.
    It’s great that you were given that dream to understand what was really happening earlier in the day. It seems so many things like that go unnoticed and soon the power of deceit floods through every corner of the daily life – at least this is what I have seen. Also, I have seen how the deception is created in order to protect us from feeling shame and related states.

    • I agree Tina. There are many things that just go unnoticed. Precious little moments that carry a small treasure of knowledge can get brushed off as “mundane” and “trivial”. Many times I have wished I could understand what “mundane” really means.
      I think this deceipt you talk about may be due to some type of expectation that knowledge is “out there” rather than in our every day living.

  • I have to say this article is really really good in explaining how to go about learning from dreams, and daily life as well, combining it all. So thanks for writing it.

    That unjust situation ‘jumping’ so suddenly at you out of nowhere seems like the perfect thing to give rise to those hidden reactions within. 🙂 But like you say it’s almost too quick to register all the reactions, and reactions to reactions that come up. In those cases the technique of retrospection is golden! And to even have the same-esque situation reoccur in your dream for you to complete the whole learning. Beautiful! Little journeys of self discovery like this are amazing and exciting.

    “I could not recognize myself.” Very interesting. But I know what you mean and dreams are such an amazing way where we can be shown these hidden ego sides of ourselves.

    “Retrospecting and ….. get rid of it.” That paragraph was very insightful Christo. Lovely to tag along with your undertaking of learning.

    P.S. is there any chance you can record that laugh and share it 😉

  • I’m very grateful to you for breaking that down for us Christos it’s very helpful; and the comments every one has posted are also very helpful, thanks to all.

    Anger is an incredibly destructive force in the world and sadly I’ve seen it destroy people. It also seems to have destroyed whole countries in some circumstances; with concentration camps and mass extermination etc.

    it’s wonderful that you could see how the egos of fear and pride were working in this situation as well, there’s a lot to reflect on.

    • Yes, I agree that anger is a terrible destructive force within the world Martin. Imagine how different the world could be if people were able to break free of its grip.

    • That’s true Martin. Whole countries get destroyed by wars out of fear of aggressors. It seems that these days even diplomacy itself is many times driven by aggression and the exhibition of power rather than the prosperity of a country’s citizens.

  • Thank you for sharing your story Christo, and break down how things worked there.
    I can relate to that pattern you described how anger workes together with other egos’ in a quite conspirative way by the look of it.
    Also, it sounds amazing to see the relation of the dream with the event which took place in the physical dimension like an “action-reaction” effect.

    What Belsebuub says about to be set in other person’s shoes I think it’s a great advice but difficult at the same time to apply it, especially without being detached from the incident and the emotions which it may cause.

    Thanks again, I guess you also drive even more careful since then 🙂

    • Yes, I keep away from bus drivers. They are always wrong. 😀
      Just joking. 🙂

      I like what Belsebuub says about setting ourselves in another person’s shoes. I’ve tried to do it but I kind of created an idea about it in the end not because the statement is wrong but because I tend to create ideals about how I do the work.
      I think, setting ourselves in another person’s shoes is a natural way to behave when anger is not present in a situation and it helps to be a bit more objective than be self-absorbed. It helps to observe the ego manifesting rather than been influenced by it.

      Many times, I see a sense of feeling superior to the other person and the situation rather than acquiring knowledge. I think of the ideal way to react in the situation rather than be perceptive of the moment. This even causes me to feel that I actully make an effort and that if I fail to stay cool it is the other person’s fault because I at least made an effort.

      • I also notice that feeling superior is quite a trap. I understood that from the feeling of contempt you described in your post.

        I also find that feeling contempt and the actions that lead up to it (I think it often involves planning how to act in an ideal way) overshadows awareness and self-observation and is a very big trap. I also think that it leads to judging others and has a lot of fear in it as a motivation.

        • Yes, good points Christo and Alex.
          It’s like going down the rabbit hole, layer after layer and when similar situations are repeating to act in a wiser way or fail and go on like that.

          Sometimes I really appreciate when things are repeating, especially in dreams. It’s like giving me one more chance to play my role better.
          Show must go on 🙂 after all

  • Thank you very much Christo for sharing your beautiful and very strong experience.
    I always feel deep gratefulness and -in a way- more close to my Divine Parents- when they show me dreams that reveal completely unexpected and very good hidden realities in me. These dreams are so much a unique and very big help.
    Anger is very strong in me and knows how to control me and be fed so well, deceiving me perfectly.
    This powerful video of Belsebuub;s points out clearly details of how this works and how important it is to see and observe these well hidden realities in order to come out of them, and that;s why I feel these dreams are a very big and precious gift. I thank very much Belsebuub for this talk and you for sharing it.
    Thank you again for sharing.

  • What an insightful experience. I think you hit on a lot of very crucial points for reflection there, Christos.

    I can very much relate to not letting an ego take control ( and even dying to it ) while the underlying reason may be a result of pride or other egos that just don’t think an outburst is a “practical solution” at the time. Sincerely wanting the removal of an ego when it arises is so important.

    It’s also really interesting to see how an ego like anger can be sustained by pride, an aspect being our wanting to defend ourselves against perceived threats like the false accusations of others. Dreams can reveal so much!

    Thanks for sharing.

    • I agree Mike that pride is one of the inner states that feeds anger in a major way. When our self-image is called into question, the resulting damage to our pride can lead to all sorts of aggression, like a dog that feels cornered and starts to fight its way out.

      • The cornered dog is a good example Michael. It’s when the basic instincts of survival kick in and there is little chance of managing to control egos that have not been understood.

        • Yes, pride and its related fears can be huge triggers for anger Christos. I can think of so many examples where I’ve clashed with people whose opinion differed from mine. Often it has started with both sides trying to present their case and convince the other person that they are right. Then as neither party has wished to back down, the discussions have turned into arguments.

          Lately I’ve realised how futile all this is, as if someone is so entrenched in a particular belief or way of living, usually no amount of evidence to the contrary is likely to change their behaviour. Also no-one likes to have their opinion or feelings discredited, and I’ve found that putting into practice the principle of treating others as we would like to be treated ourselves can do a lot to reduce conflicts within interpersonal relationships.

          I’m learning more about listening to people and their opinions, even if they are opposed to mine, without trying to convert them to my way of thinking. When the hostility is removed, it’s surprising how much common ground can be gained, as even if one issue is a source of disagreement, there is usually a way to find a shared experience or interest.

          • It seems to me that we want the whole world to think the same way we think and feel the same way we feel. This way arguments can be endless.
            As if we are trying to change others rather than talk with them and learn from interactions.

    • Mike, your description of the way we can control anger simply through another mental reasoning, of judging an outburst is not ‘practical’, rather than control coming from a sincere wish to not allow that cruel force to effect our behaviour and harm others … well, it makes me remember just how much mental gymnastics go on inside to protect our precious self-image, to weigh up whether we’re the one who’s got the upper hand in a battle (in this case, perhaps an outburst would be suitable?) or whether we need to show more aggression because the threat is so big it needs it (again, perhaps an outburst useful here?) It’s such a sorry state of internal affairs. I can’t recall which talk it is, but I remember listening to Belsebuub describing how it is to be free from all this mental garbage, all these constant games to protect our pride – how exhausting it is to live like that, and how whole lives can be built around creating the best image of ourselves and then protecting it fiercely.

      Christo, thanks so much for sharing this experience. It sounds like a powerful bit of help from within which allowed you to see the stark, raw reality of what actually happened in an event that it would be so easy to just blunder through. What struck me was how your experience was so commonplace, something almost everyone can relate to. Yet the learning that was gleaned from it was so profound and potentially of use for such deep spiritual change. It makes me realize how much is possible spiritually when just going about our normal lives, but only when I build a real dialogue within and approach every day with a sincere wish to change.

      Personally, I find it incredibly difficult to step out of the series of emotions that arise when anger is triggered within me. Even if I get a glimpse of detachment in the moment, am able to sense genuine remorse and repulsion from having anger within, and can stop the situation from escalating, it’s usually only when I make the effort to retrospect over my day and reflect on my behaviour than I can go deeper into the kind of dialogue with the divine that leads to an insight like the one in your dream. It’s incredibly motivating to see that there’s an animal fighting for dominance within, but to also feel that there is an alternative strength, a divine strength, that’s possible to have instead.

      Thanks again for sharing, it’s encouraged me to take a fresh look at the little ways I allow anger to manifest in my life.

      • Yes, I agree Ella – it can be very difficult to break the momentum of anger, once it’s triggered. But the divine strength you mentioned can be powerful, if we can learn to use it in the correct way.

      • There is so much to discover in these little interactions. I usually realize that in the aftermath. Too late to catch it in action but, I think, that if there is a genuine sense of remorse for the missed opportunity there is an abundance of help waiting for us.
        Not because we are special but because there are beings that actually want us to learn and fulfill our life’s purpose.

        • I think you made a good point about the divine help that is available to us Christos: “Not because we are special but because there are beings that actually want us to learn and fulfil our life’s purpose”.

  • Thank you very much Christos for sharing this detailed incident. It looks like even though you may have failed on some level in that particular physical situation, you realised it and were sincerely interested in investigating it deeper, which may have lead to that insightful dream. I also very much liked that video by Belsebuub, which gives a very good tip on dealing with anger I think – to put ourselves into other people’s shoes, thus feeling compassion that helps to fight anger.

    Interestingly, right after reading your experience, I went through a minor anger/irritation incident myself, and realised how putting ourselves into other people’s shoes is so crucial in dealing with anger. Because having the technique of elimination of the egos is one thing, and willingness or remembrance to apply it another. And putting ourselves into other people’s shoes may provide those precious seconds during these (usually quick) incidents that may help us to stop and be willing to use the technique. Like for example those people in the bus that looked angrily at you, for sure they were scared and trusted the “authority” (the driver) who acted like he was right…

    • Yes, I think the point about trying to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes is very important Lucia. It’s a concept most of us are familiar with, yet it takes a lot of practice and effort to actually implement.

      When we are able to better understand what motivates other people, it often benefits everyone, as it’s easy to make allowances and to avoid a clash of wills. For example, someone who seems stubborn or dogmatic may actually be hiding a lot of anxiety about not being in control, or fearful about trying something that is unknown. While someone who is rude and aggressive may have actually developed that way of behaving as a way of coping with past trauma – to hurt the other person first, to avoid being hurt.

      I feel that social relationships are definitely improved when we learn to understand ourselves more. As we gain more knowledge about ourselves, we can often use the same knowledge to better understand others and create a much more harmonious environment.

    • I’ve also found that feeling angry isolates me from other people. I think that when anger is provoked it takes a lot of understanding to spontaneously and consistently be unaffected by the situation. Usually there is some type of idealistic behavior that guides our actions in the same way I tried to not react too angrily not because I had understanding but because I wanted to keep feeling good and content with myself.

      • I’ve also seen dreams where the constraints of polite and expected social behaviours have been stripped away to reveal much more raw emotions Christos. These have given an indication of how I would act if the norms of society were removed. There’s definitely a lot to uncover about the hidden side of our psyche in dreams, as you discovered.

  • Thanks for sharing your experiences Christos. I can very much relate to the feelings of anger and pride, which come from feeling wronged. As you mentioned, these feelings can be heightened when it seems clear that another person is to blame and we are the victim.

    The dream you mentioned was revealing in that it showed there are many aspects to anger, which may often be unknown to us. It also shows that the manifestations of anger can vary, according to which other emotions accompany it, such as in the situation you described, where anger arose out of the fear of being cornered by a group of angry people.

    I think this is a useful insight to gain, as it shows the mechanism that can lie behind common behaviours, which many of us will have observed, or experienced during our lives, such as bullying. I happened to be thinking recently about what motivates bullies and it seems that in many cases, it is a behaviour that arises from fear.

    If I think back to my school days, those who were truly confident and well-adjusted seemed to treat others with respect, while at the same time, not allowing themselves to be targeted. Whereas, it seems so common that bullies seek the back-up of a group, in order to prove themselves in front of their peers. So as you found in the dream, this outward appearance of being invincible can actually be a cover-up for fear. I can understand the motivation behind young people seeking the protection of gangs and carrying weapons for protection, which can be common in large cities, such as in parts of London. But this fear can be a real problem, as its consequences can be so destructive.

    As you discovered in the dream, there is a much better way of acting than through these basic animal drives, and I feel fortunate to have found tools to help me reduce these drives and to gradually learn to act in a more intelligent way. It’s a much better way to live.

    • Interesting reflection Michael. I like how you delved into anger as an automatic reaction of fear. I would have agreed with you, but trying to really grasp this in its greater scope of reality I also find helpful and would be interested to keep a closer eye out for the anger & fear partnership in daily life.

      While reading and remembering some bullying behaviour I have faced when I was younger I was trying to pinpoint how could these people that appear confident in their social circle, while pleasurably hurting others, really be fearful? The answer seems to be then in the complexity, and mystery of unravelling the hidden processes of one’s psyche, which probably most people would not be able to come to make that connection straight away.

      However, I remember seeing my dog, on one occasion, who was generally very loving, growling to me with his teeth out, when he reached a point of fear and panic. He of course quickly subsided, when I relieved him of his fear.

      It seems many of our fears are tucked deep down in the subconscious, making it very hard to see let alone acknowledge. Looking back at some angry emotions I have had, I could see how anger quickly comes to our aid so that we don’t have to face the so-called ‘discomfort’ of fear, keeping it tucked where it wants to stay.

      • That’s an interesting occurrence with your dog Olga. It shows how that raw fear can turn into aggression, when an animal or person feels trapped.

        Regarding the outward appearance of confidence, I think that it’s quite a fragile thing and is often something that is not transferable to all situations. I can think of a few friends and acquaintances who were tall, muscular guys that worked in jobs requiring a level of fearlessness, such as in the police, fire and prison services. I recall the prison guard recounting a story of how he stepped in by himself to break up a fight between two gangs, as he knew that neither gang would want to back down, so that by the time back-up arrived, the situation could have become very nasty. However, it was interesting that despite their bravery, each of these guys hated public speaking and felt very embarrassed by it.

        I’ve noticed similar paradoxes within myself over the years, where I was confident enough to travel overseas by myself, appear on stage, or give presentations in front of groups, yet still had a lot of social anxiety.

        In the past, I’ve made the mistake of thinking that I’m working pretty well at reducing a particular emotion, only to uncover a new aspect of it in daily life or in a dream. As you mentioned, there is a lot that is unknown to us within the subconscious, waiting to be uncovered. Sometimes these things can appear unexpectedly and be painful to experience, but although it can be hard to face what is within, doing so brings a greater understanding of how we are internally, as well as how other people function.

Who Is Belsebuub?

Spiritual Author Belsebuub
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Born in Britain, Mark Pritchard is a spiritual teacher and author who writes with the name Belsebuub. He has published several books on dreams and out-of-body experiences and has discussed these topics widely in the media. Read more about Belsebuub's work on dreams...

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