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How a Dream Helped Me to Gain Compassion and Love

Experience submitted by Maria V.
Experience submitted by Maria V.

There have been many times I have felt grateful for the guidance and help I’ve been given in my dreams and especially when I’m stuck with an obstacle-ego or problem, or I feel weak to do practices and can’t overcome my lack of understanding.

This time I was in that exact situation, facing difficulties in my relationship with a close member of my family. They have senile dementia and I take care of them a lot, and because of their declining health they forget things very easily and so I have to repeat and remind them of the same things many times. Their behavior and habits have also changed since this has happened to them and they don’t always cooperate easily, which can make things more complicated.

At first, all this together placed a lot of continuous stress on me, and sadly I would feel and act at times with anger and impatience towards them. But I also saw the impact and damage that my negativity was doing to them and I could sense and see very well what a terrible inner situation this was and this was not how I wanted to be.

But at the same time I was weak in my attempts to deal with my actions, as this ego is very strong in me. I felt and knew I needed much more meditation practices and to dive deeper in them but during that period I didn’t have enough strength or discipline to meditate upon it. And it was difficult for me to even observe this ego as I had learned to do from Belsebuub’s work during my day, as usually it manifested automatically before I had even realized it.

One day after being under much pressure and stress I spoke to my family member very harshly and regretted it, but yet the words came out. That day, there came a time when I sat down and wondered deeply, why although I understand that their behavior comes from their amnesia, I could continue getting angry with them, and making them feel sad. Could I stop this?

Public domain image found here. (Image has been modified)
Public domain image found here. (Image has been modified)

The next morning before getting up, I concentrated on the “Gayatri” mantra which I’ve found previously to uplift me inwardly. While concentrating, I fell asleep slightly for a little while and a dream appeared to me, which was very clear.

I was with my family member and their dementia had gotten much, much worse. In it, I was wondering about how they had been in the past and how they were now and how their amnesia had developed so much in that time and wondering why it was that I hadn’t discovered it from the beginning.

What I remember very clearly in the dream and what remained in me afterward was the feelings I had in this dream, it was like a weight and deep sadness that came with the realization that someone has lost their health.

What also strongly remained in me was the comparison of their condition now and how they had been in the past, the recollection of when they had been well and healthy, and the sense I got from feeling the absence of their health now, and the sadness that came to me because of the deep recognition that their health couldn’t be changed.

After I woke up from this dream I understood that I hadn’t really realized until then the nature and seriousness of my family member’s illness, my understanding had been very superficial.

Τhis realization helped me to start being able to observe myself better and eliminate my anger towards them before it manifested, and at other times to have the strength to stop it in its beginning, as well as to sit and reflect and mediate upon this ego more regularly.

This dream gave me a goal to focus and hold on from when I cared for them, I had gained a better understanding of their situation which gave me the strength to start facing generally my own weaknesses and instead to act with more love and compassion toward them. I hope to keep making progress and keep taking advantage of this help.

  • Hi Maria sorry to hear about your family member must be very tough not only for you but the whole family, quite inspiring that you could remain strong and use the situation for your learning, I wish you much strength in you situation and thank you from my heart for sharing and your inspiration

  • Dear Maria,

    Thank you for sharing this very personal experience and life situation. I was happy to read you were able to find more understanding and compassion through your inquisitive and self-reflective attitude and that special dream.

    Your story actually made me remember how many years ago an elderly family member came down with an illness that greatly limited their movement and speech abilities. I was still a child then but I remember how another very close family member who was helping that family member seemed to be very moody and often unhappy with other people. I could understand back then that it was probably related to the situation of our ill relative, but now I can see that they were probably suffering deeply for the loss of that person’s health and I’m sure the last thing they wanted was to create tension and negativity, but perhaps the situation was too overhelming for them.

    It just makes me think what a gift it is to be able to have that other angle of perception and understanding. If the information that Belsebuub presents in his work could reach more people, how different many situations could be.

    Thank you for sharing this encouraring experience, Maria. Wish you all the best.

  • Hi Maria,

    To find your life in such intimate and difficult circumstances can I’m sure also cause one to enter the relavant ‘psychological regions’, with all our reactions to it and being unjustly treated etc. (even though the other person can’t help it.)

    Though very sad and incredibly though… it also seems we can do so much inner beautifying of ourselves in those very circumstances.

    The experience in the dream you received is beautiful. Studying our ego states, how they work, gaining that knowledge is essential. But sometimes it’s deeper understandings that reach our consciousness like this that are able to change our view and our attitude and allowance of our own inner states completely.

    For some reason it reminds me of a blooming flower, with the purity we can create within through these things.

    Wishing you much peace and all the best Maria.

  • Thanks for sharing this, Maria. It’s quite amazing how your dream was able to show you so much about the situation, or to see it from a new perspective.

    Having a family member with failing health can be so difficult to face. I know I’ve sometimes been frustrated by things someone did that I know can’t be helped. If I’m observant, I can catch myself as I react, and I can often feel a sense of remorse for my lack of empathy, and try to respond differently. But sometimes these things really need to to be “felt”, which is something I think we can only get through dreams and mystical experiences, and that feeling can really help us to break free of impatience or other negative reactions. We really cannot take our health, or the health of anyone else, for granted!

    Wishing peace and light to both you and your family member.

  • Thank you, Maria, for sharing your personal struggle and your understanding coming from the dream guidance you had. It is sad when some people that you knew how healthy and active they were on the past, have to face another, a more undeniable hard reality after the decline of their health. It is difficult to get to their position and experience how deeply they feel, helpless and unable to serve themselves depending on the escalation of their illness.

    I am facing the same situation with a close family member as well, and I can feel the psychological gravity that our behavior plays because I see that each moment is counting differently for these people due to the particularity of their illness. One day I had to deal with some other problems too and I lost my patience as well which was obvious by the verbal way I used. When I saw that person crying after that incident like a little child, I could trace my remorse, realizing my mistake and getting some new understanding of the whole situation.
    I see that each one has to face many psychological states under very difficult conditions and that this part with familial relationships hides also many things to be seen and worked during our process for more knowledge and free consciousness.

    Wishing you, Maria, all the strength, the guidance, and the persistence you need so that patience, compassion and courage can be victorious during your time with the persons you love.

    • Thanks for sharing your similar experience Maia. I think the situation you described of losing your patience, then seeing the family member crying afterwards must have brought about a great sense of remorse, like Maria also described.

      I agree that family relationships can bring up a lot of challenges, but also a lot of learning, as they can reveal a hidden side of us when situations and circumstances become difficult. I also wish you a lot of strength, guidance and patience in working through your current situation in the best way possible.

  • It’s great you found the way (or the way found you 🙂 ) to have a breakthrough, Maria.
    And it was quite mystical/magical the way it happens through the mantra and dream.

    And I think the greatest is that this knowledge can be applied in many different cases and not just with this particular person you said.
    Working with people with dementia I learnt a lot and I think it worth everyone to has an experience been with them for some time.

    Thank you for sharing it

  • Very powerful dream guidance Maria. It’s such a sobering point when you realize your actions are causing others harm and to feel that sense of remorse come flooding in. I love how your dream didn’t tell you directly about your anger/frustration, it took another tack which helped you to understand the struggle they go through and put everything in perspective for you. What a great gift. Good luck going forward. That seems like a very tough situation, but I feel you are up to the challenge.

  • Thank you very much Maria for sharing this deeply touching and personal account. As I was reading it, I could almost feel the sense of deep sadness and heaviness that descended upon you in your dream, as I had some dreams where I had this kind of feeling too, and so I could imagine how it must have touched you so deeply… I find it amazing how in the astral plane, we can comprehend and feel things “to the core” so to speak, to understand and see the reality of things much better than here in the physical world. Also something especially with anger, I think we don’t really realise how destructive this emotion is in its nature, until something shakens us like this.

    Wishing you many beautiful moments with your family member, may you enjoy their presence while they are still around…

  • Hi Maria,

    Thanks for sharing this honest account of your struggles with this difficult personal situation. It must be really very hard, I can’t imagine, or I don’t want to, what it must be like to have someone close to you, who you once knew as strong and healthy (and even happy!) to now be consumed by dementia – it must be one of the most challenging things to have to deal with. It sounds like you got something of a breakthrough in your understanding with it though, and I hope this helps you to find a new relationship with your family member, and a way to be free of those nasty states within that compel us to lash out at people we actually love dearly.

    I remember at one point dealing with my very old grandparent for a few days on my own; it was the first time I’d been left alone with them as an adult and now it was them who needed looking after. This role reversal was awkward for us both, and I was really shocked at how difficult I found it to deal with them rationally (and I think they only had a very ‘normal’ level going senile, just loosing the memory almost totally). I was shocked at how upset and angry I felt at their behavior, and at my own feelings towards them as they’d always been without bitterness of any kind. It gave me a lot of compassion for people I’d judged harshly, thinking that they were treating them in a cruel way. I saw how strained personal relationships can be in a family when the roles change and the younger generation need to look after the older and had much more sympathy for everyone’s struggle with it. I think there’s something quite terrifying about seeing those who you always knew as capable, strong adults deteriorating.

    Your account made me realise that love is one of the most powerful motivators for change. For me it’s been the pain of realising I’m unintentionally hurting those I love most that’s given me the drive to work on changing my behaviour. Without being able to love clearly our closest relationships become a real source of turmoil rather than happiness. I wish you much strength in finding freedom from those states that block love!

    • Yes, I think close relationships can reveal a lot about how we react in different situations Ella. It’s really good to hear that through the pain of realising you were unitentionally hurting those closest to you, it gave you the motivation to change your behaviour. Understanding ourselves better can be a big step forwards in creating more harmonious interactions with others. I also wish you a lot of strength and wisdom in working towards that inner change.

  • Thank you Maria. What you shared was very moving to me. It’s so easy to get frustrated with others, especially when we’re tired. Good health is everything, really, isn’t it? It must be devastating to lose it and lose yourself in such a way.

  • Thanks Maria for sharing your experience of working to overcome these strong egos of anger and impatience. I’ve also found these can be difficult to fight against, particularly in close daily relationships.

    I can relate to some of the reactions you described, although the context may be slightly different. For example, I have a family member who clearly has noticeable hearing loss, but doesn’t want to admit it. So it can be frustrating to need to repeat words on a daily basis, particularly if I am already tired. The family member also has some problems with memory (but not as noticeably as you described) and has a very rigid routine that often doesn’t take into account the needs of others, which can be challenging to deal with.

    I have struggled to overcome my reactions to these ingrained behaviours, but as you mentioned, understanding that these difficult ways of acting are related to the other person’s health problems can increase our sense of compassion towards them and help to create a more harmonious living environment.

    I think the feeling of sadness you experienced is also significant, as your family member has probably felt the same in realising that the days of good health have passed. It can be very difficult to deal with the sense of loss caused by ongoing illness, as so many aspects of our lives can become restricted. So I think your family member will appreciate the understanding that you have gained, which can help to reduce the negative impact of the illness in your daily lives.

    Thanks again for sharing your experience Maria and I wish you a lot of strength and understanding in fighting against these negative emotions and creating a better living envrionment for you and your family.

Who Is Belsebuub?

Belsebuub is an author who has previously published several books on dreams and out-of-body experiences and has discussed these topics widely in the media. He withdrew from public life in 2010. Read more about Belsebuub's work on dreams...

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