This short dream experience had a profound impact on me. It was during a time that I felt quite lost spiritually and my physical life seemed directionless too.
I constantly worried about what I should do and my mind churned on and on, bringing me down. I was praying a lot for guidance: should I go this way or that? But nothing seemed to come and moreover, I was so caught up in worries that I had stopped getting intuitive feelings.
At the time I was staying somewhere quite new, I’d only been there a week or so. Early the next morning I had to take someone’s car to the nearby town on my own.
That morning I dreamt I was driving down that same road to the nearby town, as I was scheduled to. I’d done the journey a few times as a passenger, it was a fast but quiet road, surrounded by green hills and with mountains in the distance.
Nothing in the dream was particularly unusual, except that I could feel my divine mother absolutely everywhere. It was as though she was an invisible passenger, taking up all the other seats.
The surroundings I was driving through were as they usually are, but even more exquisite. The trees and grass reflected the early morning light, and all round seemed to pulsate with life and shimmer with subtle shades of other-worldly colours.
Everything I looked at somehow felt like my divine mother too. At the same time I could feel her inside me, an intense almost ache, but not painful, in my heart. She was in my movements, and my mind was immersed with thoughts of her, but I was not thinking, I was incredibly aware.
I felt like I was being shown how to be aware, that I was having a lesson without words on awareness from my divine mother.
I woke up from the dream deeply moved and surprised. After what felt like an age in internal darkness, suddenly I was gifted this immense comfort of feeling at one with an internal spiritual guide, even if for a short time.
The alarm had gone off to wake me up to take the car on my little errand. The feelings of the dream and the sense of my divine mother were still very strong in me as I got in the car and started driving, down that road I’d just dreamt of.
It was early on a summer’s morning and there was no one else around. The nature was beautiful, there was that soft morning light, and the strange sense of reliving the dream I had just woken up from heightened my attempts to be aware.
I drove in awareness, and though it was nowhere near as intense as in my dream, I still felt as though I was being taught how to stay in the present moment by my divine mother and that she was encouraging me.
I realised that without this dream, the short car journey would have been very different. I would have been stuck in thoughts, enjoying the morning but in a much more muted way, just stepping straight back into a mental regurgitation of my perceived problems, or feeling heavy emotions.
What I also understood was that the wider message of this dream was an answer to my pleas for guidance. But instead of the clear arrow pointing to a physical direction I wanted, I was simply told: “practise awareness, go within.”
I was urged to clean up my inner state through focusing on the techniques I’d learnt over the years of studying Belsebuub’s spiritual work, rather than solely focus on looking for an answer in the external world while not realizing the answer could come from within.
This lesson has stayed with me, and whenever I feel I am being drawn into an obsession about what to do in the physical world, I try to come out of my worries through increasing my esoteric practises, including awareness. Sometimes the problem just dissolves and isn’t an issue any more, sometimes a solution emerges, or sometimes the problem continues to be a problem, but its negative effect on me is lessened.
Though I had felt a connection to some kind of ‘inner guide’ before coming across Belsebuub’s books, it was through him I was introduced to the concept of a feminine aspect of my higher Being that he terms the ‘divine mother’. More importantly, I was introduced to practises to connect to her, in particular heart-based, at it’s said that here she resides.
Belsebuub teaches that the work to awaken is the work of reuniting with our own Being, and with that to reunite with our divine mother, who works with us closely in fulfilling this goal. This short dream helped me to have faith that this is true.