Anger and Remorse
On one occasion I felt really angry at somebody during the day, as they were behaving in what I considered and perceived to be a totally unacceptable way.
When I went to sleep that night, I could still feel a lot of anger, frustration and compulsive thoughts that would go on and on about the terrible injustice I had to bear from this person.
After some time of battling with this, I decided to use a technique I had learned from Belsebuub’s work and pray for help and the elimination of that state, as I didn’t want to feel all that negativity anymore, and wished to fall asleep peacefully. In the middle of the night, I abruptly woke up from a very vivid dream.
In that dream, the person in question was approaching me, trying to hand me something that had a symbolic significance.
I took it, and angrily threw it into their face. Immediately, the feeling of intense remorse came over me that woke me up.
I understood that by my violent reaction I made a crime against love, as the person was just handing me something peacefully, but I felt justified in my anger because of what they did to me before.
When I woke up from this dream I felt like crying and kept saying sorry to this person in my mind over and over, even though they of course had no idea about all this in the physical world.
This dream helped me to realize that by holding grudges and seeking revenge, I am actually sparking the hatred anew instead of nurturing love and forgiveness within.
This experience has also shown me again, how the emotions and feelings are much more intense in the astral plane (and therefore in dreams too). I found that even a seemingly innocent incident from the physical world may have much deeper meaning in the astral plane, where we can see and feel it for what it is.
I came to realize that if I could see my behavior in its true nature and depth in the physical world, I would think twice about how I treat people, even if they have done something objectively wrong to me.
Similarly, I have found that the beautiful emotions of love and compassion can also be felt much more intensively in the astral plane/dreams.
Thanx for sharing this Lucia. I found that the more we understand ourselves the more we are able to understand others and when in a situation such as this that understanding is a road that can take us to forgiveness.
Thanks Lucia for sharing, it’s good to reflect on your story this morning, and I’m sure that many of us can relate.
When I reflect on myself, I’m often feel remorse at the many opportunities which I’ve missed. Being right can be such a hypnotising trap.
I find that it’s bad enough to sing our songs of righteousness in our own head, but it can get worse when we continue to sing our songs of righteousness onto others.
I hope that we can all stand strong and stop this monstrous activity which is undoing everything that we stand for.
Thank you for sharing this experience, Lucia. It made me think of the times when I’ve done people wrong. Sometime feeling that remorse I turn to them in my mind and apologize and I ask for forgiveness. I could say it’s my ‘favourite’ painful experience – it can make you suffer to realize your negative attitude, but it can be liberating to take responsibility for it and to try not go for it again.
‘Favourite’ painful experience – that’s funny! But I know what you mean. The remorse can be pretty powerful for me too. Somewhere I read recently that people hardly ever change their ways unless they are motivated by some kind of pain. Obviously there are people who have the conscious intent to change for the better through applying spiritual techniques, but even that gains momentum when you do feel the pain, of your reactions hurting others for example.
I feel the same way, Pavlin and Laura, that remorse can be a beautiful painful experience.
Despite the pain, our seeing our inner “badness” can be a positive feeling because it brings us knowledge, and with prayer, brings us closer to the divine. I welcome those moments when I can truly repent for the inner negativity I carry within.
Thanks Pavlin. I remember one specific occasion where I was also apologizing internally. Quite a few years ago a person had been negative towards me for a long time and although I didn’t have the same negativity back there were those thoughts of being ‘right’ and those ego thoughts wishing bad things on others, or so self-righteously these thoughts sneak in saying: “just wait until the bad consequences come your way” etc. Very ugly actually.
I was analysing those particular scenario’s one day and I contemplated one of those bad wishes my thoughts sometimes said in my mind to this other person. In this state I could feel the gravity of it, and I was in horror, it completely dismantled me…
From that practice I turned to prayer and I was also saying sorry so badly to this person, wishing the best onto that person infite-fold no matter how they treated me and apologizing to the divine as well.
I don’t exactly know how but when this person came back half an hour later their attitude towards me had completely changed, they were so happy! and kind and lighthearted. I knew in some way those waves of goodwill must’ve reached that person…
Thanks for sharing Karim. It must of been very rewarding for you.
I found your story to be a nice example of unconditional love.
Thanks for sharing karim, its very nice to hear that the sincerity of your prayers spread to this person 🙂
Thank you for sharing this experience, Lucia.
This is something I really needed to read right now. It’s inspiring to read about the insights you gained about anger and the real damage it was causing. Anger is, for sure, a terribly destructive state, and I like how you described it as a “crime against love”. It truly is!
“…by holding grudges and seeking revenge, we are actually sparking the hatred anew instead of nurturing love and forgiveness within.”
You say it well Lucia and your dream example really shows it clearly, I feel the same.
Maybe in the first instance we feel wronged and we fear our belongings/goals/livelihood threatened, to which there’s this defence mechanism of anger arising trying to act on that person. But if we allow those patterns of negativity to fester and feed, replaying in our heads and flaring up emotions, keep the grudge as you say, we become unobjective, evil and negativity ourselves towards that person….
I remember one situation from my childhood clearly. I was probably three or four years old and something had happened that I didn’t like, which was basically nothing at all but there were just these ego’s wanting to be crying and be negative. NoOOooH ooohoOOHo! I clearly remember I was standing in the hallway leaning against the glass window of the door, sucking my thumb and crying and being negative. At that moment my younger sister, who must’ve been one or two, came walking up 100% innocently wondering what was wrong with me. But I, choosing to stay in the mire of that negativity, just yelled louder and I believe I even pushed her away…. I can still remember the look on her face. (It almost makes my temples sweat in typing this and thinking back, how horrible!)
But yeah. Like you say the astral can show us these things that lie under the surface within us very clearly, a great addition in our work of studying and changing these things.
Reminds me of how in the Mahabharata the war-waging character of Duryodhana reacts, even while seeing the logic of to his mother’s words trying to pacify him: “But I WANT to be discontented!”
This is very touching Lucia. Thanks for talking about something that must be difficult to share about yourself. I can relate to holding a grudge against someone I love and when they try to approach me in a friendly way, I’m still wrapped up in my anger and lash out at them and expect them to ask for my forgiveness. My heart just breaks in sadness and remorse remembering such incidents.
What a powerful insight – ‘by my violent reaction I made a crime against love’. It’s great you were able to fight the persistent thoughts and emotions and were given this teaching. I hope you made up with that person asap 🙂
It would be amazing to feel the love or compassion you speak of in the astral plane.
Thanks Laura and I can relate to expecting the other person to ask for forgiveness first… Its just a bunch of egos acting out, where pride has a big say. I also found its a lot about insecuriy, because if you are insecure and fearful within, then you are more likely to be feeling sorry for yourself and feel like a victim – therefore reacting out of a self-defense instead of compassion and love.
That’s true Lucia. I found that it helps to cut some of the momentum and power of the anger, in a situation where I feel wronged by someone, by putting myself in the other person’s position – for example realising that I had maybe unintentionally hurt their feelings first and caused them to be unfair to me, or that an issue is sensitive to them for personal reasons which I can’t see so they are overreacting, or they are dealing with their own hurt, fear, pain, etc. and I happened to trigger that self-defense mechanism. Seeing that I am actually not guilty of it (if I really am not), or even the victim, but the other person is in their own world of hurt at that moment. When I try to keep in mind the ripple effect of everything we do, the power my egos have to cause destruction around me through me, especially through my words, it helps to go back to the power of my consciousness to contain the destruction, hopefully get rid of it, and sow love and harmony instead.