When I was very young, from the ages of maybe 5-12, I had a recurring dream. These dreams were always very clear: almost nothing changed from one instance of the dream to the next. I reckon these dreams took place every month or two, most years, with a gradual decrease in frequency towards the end of the sequence of dreams.
In an older version of “The Astral Codex”, Belsebuub writes that a recurring dream signifies something needs to be worked out.
Indeed that would seem to be the case for my recurring dreams. They served as a powerful and inspiring guide to me, leading me in an important direction in my life. Although these dreams happened long ago, they were so powerful, that even as I write about them now, I am deeply struck with emotion and I still get goosebumps.
I have chosen to relate some information about these dreams in this submission, but also to keep other details private, because these dreams were (and still are) so personal and influential to me.
A Trip through a Magical Doorway
As a kid, I was always a little afraid of the dark, sometimes very afraid, and I found the laundry room in the basement particularly scary, with its dim lighting, stacks of mysterious boxes and tools that my dad stored down there, and the sinister furnace that made strange noises… The boogeyman man could easily have hidden anywhere!
Within these dreams, I would walk downstairs very calmly in nearly total darkness and walk into the laundry room. The darkness didn’t matter for what I was about to do: one of the walls of the room was different to its normal physical appearance and the wall made itself into a magical doorway. Without any hesitation, I would walk through the open doorway and find myself somewhere completely different.
At this location I would move through my environment, performing a series of actions. As I moved around, I felt an odd mixture of familiarity, impending doom, and comfort/acceptance of the situation. Feeling this all at once is rather odd, I know, but it’s the only way I can explain it…
Then something would happen, always the same thing, and I would wake up.
Impact of the Dream
I would always wake up from these dreams feeling immensely uneasy about life, but because they happened so often, I also became more used to having them.
Eventually, I stopped being surprised by what I dreamt and my response became more centered around why I was having those dreams to begin with. I would go to sleep feeling very contemplative about life, and feeling more and more open to spirituality.
In addition to the troubling feelings, these dreams also filled me with awe and gave me a sense of connection to a great mystery in life, one that I hoped to one day discover and learn all about.
Over those years and the years following, I took a keen interest in alternative spirituality and metaphysics. I did not generally record my dreams, but I would sometimes jot down a list of things I saw within them and try to find the meaning of the symbols on the internet. I didn’t find many answers, but I was very open.
Even with these dreams and other experiences, the feelings they evoked didn’t turn into concrete actions in my life: I was interested in dreams and mysticism, but I had limited knowledge of spiritual information and didn’t know where to find answers. Perhaps I wasn’t ready at the time.
Reflecting upon the Meaning
During my early searches, I was never quite able to piece together what the dream meant or why I was having it. But years later, after discovering Belsebuub’s work, and having explored it for some time, one day when I remembered the dream, I found myself drawn to one particular interpretation.
Once again, I will keep part of this meaning to myself, but I think I was being shown, both through symbolism and feeling, the reality of human life, both the beauty and tragedy, when viewed from a wider spiritual perspective.