Once during winter time I had got together with others for a retreat to do spiritual practices.
As I was doing a practice, what started as a tiny irritation within me ‘boiled’ completely out of control.
I had this negativity inside of me that seemed to be unnaturally and very powerfully stirred up until I could barely contain it, like a cooking pot almost about to boil over and explode, with me trying to keep its lid closed with all my might.
At night in my dreams I was shown even more about this low energy, about this negativity and its outbursts, experiencing it in a very intense and pronounced way as the astral dimension allows. Until I reached a point where it became a tough thing to face and deal with.
I woke up one night and walked around the place a bit and was really praying for some alleviation, for some nice and pleasant experiences in the astral, and help from this consuming poisonous energy and ego inside of me.
But as I went back to sleep, I think the spiritual being I had prayed to for help for nicer and pleasant dreams had another and better plan in mind. Instead of receiving a nice and pleasant experience to ‘get away‘ from that ego I was helped in a more profound way by being taken even deeper into it.
In a dream experience I was shown where this ego energy traced all the way back to. I could see the origin of that energy in an animal. It was a wolf or similar wild canine. I saw myself in that distant past as that wolf in a forest, with a pack around me, clearly feeling the link to exactly that ego within. It felt to me that it was there where this ego drive had really developed itself.
I’d read before in Belsebuub’s work that in the cycle of life consciousness starts from very basic life forms, such as minerals, to plants and trees. Followed by moving through many lives of different animals before becoming human at a later point. While as a human still carrying those developed animalistic drives within. But it was quite another thing to see this within myself.
It seems like such an important dream Karim and such an incredible scenario in which it took place. Thanks for sharing how important dreams are to our waking life.
What an interesting experience Karim!
I also notice that negativity can be stirred seemingly out of nowhere. In those times I find myself at a loss, often asking for wisdom to be able to do something about it.
I also find that genuinely praying to the Divine Mother to remove the negativity also helps. I had an experience with this very recently where I noticed that the ‘automatic’ asking that I was doing was much weaker than a direct prayer to the Divine Mother (as taught by Belsebuub). It was only when I asked in the way explained by Belsebuub that I felt an immediate help.
All the best with it Alex!
What an amazing discovery, Karim. That must have been so enlightening, to see the ego in different forms, even seeing its origin. It really shows you where our egos come from! It does indeed sound like a better plan the divine had in mind, to show you that, instead of a pleasant and happy scene.
I think it’s great that the divine helps us in the way they know is best. So often I’ve been given different things than what I thought I needed, only to see the purpose of it later on.
Thanks Karim, that gave me a little shiver, imagining seeing myself also back in an animal body, fighting for survival. It does sound like you were really helped there to go much deeper into understanding the core of that ego.
I’ve experienced those ‘pressure cooker’ atmospheres. Though painful it’s a special and quite extraordinary thing to be in those difficult circumstances with other people who are also struggling with their emotions, and other’s emotions, yet also have an understanding of needing to face them and overcome them. It doesn’t make it easier, just different, and I’ve been able to have strong glimpses of real empathy in these times too. There’s such a strong tendency to run to pleasure and nice things, and so often when in ‘spiritual’ retreats there’s a big expectation of wanting to feel higher things, rather than deal with the animal drives that block them.
I’ve often sensed the egos in me as animalistic. It’s incredible to think of it, that we’re these immensely strong forces of survival, forged from nature over impossible-to-imagine periods of time, with an intellect that convolutes these drives and then within it a spark of divinity pushing us to awaken.
Thanks for the reminder of how deep the egos go.
Yes I also thought get togethers for spiritual purposes would be just pleasant times, everything nice and such. But perhaps it’s so much more useful if precious situations occur that show us our own egos and weaknesses, uncomfortable as this may be :), and then we can actually really have the opportunity to grow and progress spiritually.
About our animal nature. I find it interesting that, in a discussion for example, if you close your ears to whatever arguments, theories and points the intellect comes up for a second and look carefully there’s often just very simple drives underneath.
Thanks for sharing that Karim. It must have been eye-opening to see how that emotional state manifested within you in its raw state. I can imagine it would have brought about quite a different type of understanding, compared to the theoretical information that your already knew about the cycle of lives.
Yes it was very interesting as I didn’t just see, but I was that creature. My psyche felt quite similar and (perhaps surprisingly) quite calm. But underneath, or alongside, within there was this basic raw big animalistic ego drive.
Perhaps similar to what I’ve seen in videos of bears in the wild. Where they seemed quite peaceful and conscious, but when one was starving for food something took over, the eyes glaze over and there’s this monster in it. No reasoning anymore then when an animal is like that.
Yes, the bear example is an interesting analogy Karim. It’s very much the same with people – we can seem nice and pleasant until tough circumstances emerge. Then the nastier side of our character may emerge, with devastating consequences.
Since this contrast between the consciousness and animalistic drives is so much a part of the human psyche, it’s always remarkable to learn of individuals who are able to maintain a more conscious outlook and not be driven by animalistic drives, despite extremely challenging circumstances, such as during wartime, or even starvation.
Thanks for sharing Karim,
An amazing insight to a potentially very destructive ego,and sincerity in prayer
means so much glad your prayers were answered.
Yes I think there was some strength behind my prayers and the fight within mainly because I found my situation difficult.
It seems strangely enough that difficulties and hardship can be great incentives to work within, whereas when things are comfortable there seems to be less that ignites my passive nature to struggle. So they’re a real gift.
Easy to say that now though, yet when the next new difficulty arises it’s often something I don’t like.
Wow Karim, how compassionate from the Divine to show you exactly where that strong drive came from! I would love to see where my anger and negativity come from as well, as I have had some really tough battles with this one.
I also had to smile at your “please just take me somewhere nice in the astral…”, but I can also understand how at that point you just wished for some relief from that seemingly unmanageable state. There definitely must have been some sincerity behind your prayers and yearnings, otherwise you would have not received that gift.
Haha, in this case it was so full-on that I felt I couldn’t handle it, hence that asking. It proved very useful though in hindsight as I didn’t experience it as intensely as that again, so that was great to see and feel it up close. Other manifestations of it still echoed years after, but I didn’t see it as up close as that time. It did take me a longer time, with meditation practices and study, to figure out more about what had happened. At the time it was just more like a block of anger, a big wall that I couldn’t really see past.