Once during winter time I had got together with others for a retreat to do spiritual practices.
In the past, I’ve seen how in such circumstances, there can be a theme of learning present that can be tapped into by anyone present. The internal learning for me at that time was about anger and negativity.
I believe certain events were influenced by divine forces in order to show those egos’ drives within me. Also when there’s light there is also darkness, and I felt a certain amount of influence from negative entities in the astral and even on a number of occasion I possibly even sensed them physically.
In one such specific occasion I was doing a practice with others, and what started as a tiny irritation within me ‘boiled’ completely out of control.
I had this negativity inside of me that seemed to be unnaturally and very powerfully stirred up until I could barely contain it, like a cooking pot almost about to boil over and explode, with me trying to keep its lid closed with all my might.
At night I was shown even more about this low energy, about this negativity and its outbursts, experiencing it in a very intense and pronounced way as the astral dimension allows. Until I reached a point where it became a tough thing to face and deal with.
I woke up one night and walked around the place a bit and was really praying for some alleviation, for some nice and pleasant experiences in the astral, and help from this consuming poisonous energy and ego inside of me.
But as I went back to sleep, I think the spiritual being I had prayed to for help for nicer and pleasant dreams had another and better plan in mind. Instead of receiving a nice and pleasant experience to ‘get away‘ from that ego I was helped in a more profound way by being taken even deeper into it.
In a dream experience I was shown where this ego energy traced all the way back to. I could see the origin of that energy in an animal. It was a wolf or similar wild canine. I saw myself in that distant past as that wolf in a forest, with a pack around me, clearly feeling the link to exactly that ego within. It felt to me that it was there where this ego drive had really developed itself.
I’d read before in Belsebuub’s work that in the cycle of life consciousness starts from very basic life forms, such as minerals, to plants and trees. Followed by moving through many lives of different animals before becoming human at a later point. While as a human still carrying those developed animalistic drives within. But it was quite another thing to see this within myself.